Fairly Odd Parents Fanon Wiki
Episode begins at the Turner House; music is heard inside. Timmy, Chloe, Janna, Mr. Pants, Brandon, Cosmo and Wanda appear outside through a dimensional portal.
Timmy Turner All right. We'll just pop in and pop out real quick, 'cause I've got that royal squire mixer this afternoon.
A woman runs out of the house wearing a baby diaper on her head and a sash that reads "DIAPER QUEEN" and waving a baby diaper flag.
Woman Aah! I caught the bouquet! I caught the bouquet! I caught the bouquet!
Cosmo So... what kind of party is this?
Timmy [looking at stork statue] Bird... Bird Day? Bird Day? Is that a thing? Bird Day?
Chloe Carmichael Doesn't it say on the invite? [takes party invitation out of Marco's hand]
Timmy Guys, I'm a squire of Fairy World. I don't have time to read invites!
Mr. Pants Seems to be some kind of kid-washing party.
Timmy What?
Janna Yeah. A "baby shower".
Timmy I guess someone's having a baby.
Brandon A dirty baby, it sounds like, seeing as to how they're gonna wash it.
Mrs. Turner Timmy!
Timmy Hey, Mom. So, who's having the baby?
Mrs. Turner Can't you tell?
Mrs. Turner turns slightly to the side to reveal she's pregnant. Everyone minus Timmy excitedly bob up and down.
Timmy [gasps] Mom?! You're gonna be... a mom?! When did this happen?!
Mr. Turner Oh, while you were out on Fairy World. And you're going to be a big brother! [shows an ultrasound sonogram] Say hello to your hermanito – Timmy Junior!
Chloe [deep gasp] Oh-my-gosh, oh-my-gosh, oh-my-gosh, oh-my-gosh!
Timmy Wait, what? You're naming him Timmy Junior?
Mrs. Turner After you.
Timmy That's not how it works! You don't name your son after your son!
Mrs. Turner [points at Timmy Jr.'s mole] But he's got a buck teeth just like you, "Timmy Senior".
Timmy Wow... A brother! How have I not heard about this until now?
Mrs. Turner It's okay. You've been busy. Point is, you're here today. Now, give your mom a hug!
Timmy Oh, yeah, okay. [gives Mrs. Turner a weak one-armed hug]
Mrs. Turner [grimly] I spent thirty-seven hours squeezing you out of my body, and this is what I get?
Timmy Oh, I just didn't want to—
Mrs. Turner [threateningly] Give your mother a hug.
Timmy [nervously] Okay.
Timmy and Mrs. Turner share a tight, warm hug.
Mr. Turner Now come on! We have a baby to shower!
Scene cuts to house interior. Party guests mingle about and eat and drink food.
Chloe [feels Mrs. Turner's belly] Whoa! I felt him kick!
Wanda We might have to find a spot for this little guy on the Fairy King's Guard.
Mr. Turner [laughs] No, I think stealing one of our sons is enough for now, Wanda.
Timmy [pushes Chloe and Wanda aside] Oh, oh, oh! He's kicking? He's kicking?
Mrs. Turner [sarcastic] Why, yes, Timmy, you may touch my stomach.
Timmy ...I don't feel anything.
Mrs. Turner He must have stopped.
Timmy You think that's because he doesn't like me?
Mrs. Turner I think his brain is the size of a grape. Which reminds me, I'm gonna eat a bag of grapes before we open presents. [runs off-screen, panting]
Timmy Presents?
Janna Yeah, it was in that invitation you didn't read.
Charlie Booth, disguised as Gustav, appears with a lot of baby presents.
Mr. Turner Oh, Gustav, you've outdone yourself again!
Timmy Oh, my gosh. I didn't get a gift for Timmy Jr. I'm a terrible big brother.
Wanda Shh-shh-shh-shh. Calm, Timmy Sr. I know! Why don't we pop on over to Quest Buy and get him a little present?
Timmy Quest Buy? I don't know.
Chloe Sure! Come on! [pulls Timmy toward the front door]
Timmy Whoa!
Mrs. Turner [talking to Mrs. Morrison] Well, we were so lonely that we decided, "Hey, why not have a baby?" [sees the six leaving] Timmy, where are you going?
Timmy Uh, I'm gonna, uh, run out and grab some ice for the party.
Mr. Turner But we have plenty of ice.
Timmy Yeah, but I'm gonna get fancy ice they harvest from a glacier.
Mr. Turner Oooh! Glacier ice!
Mrs. Turner Well, don't be gone too long. We'll be opening presents soon.
Timmy No problemo! [leaves]
Mr. Turner [tosses ice out of his cup] Get out of here, tap-water ice! You're not needed anymore!
Mrs. Turner Are you... just gonna hold your drink until Timmy gets back?
Mr. Turner For glacier ice? I will wait.
Scene cuts to Quest Buy.
Timmy Seriously?! None of this stuff is safe for a baby!
Wanda How about Baby's First Hidden Poison Capsule?
Wanda holds a pacifier that ejects a small cloud of poison.
Cosmo What's safer than not having enemies because you poisoned them all?!
Timmy I am not giving the baby a pacifier filled with magic poison.
Mr. Pants Well, there's always a gift card.
Gift Card You have 8.5 minutes until expiration. [shoots laser]
Goblin Aah! No! Aaah! Please! No!
Timmy No. This gift has to be the perfect reminder of me since I might not be around much.
Janna [gasps] Oh, I know!
Scene cuts to a sign that reads "Atelier de Cobalt Ferrero, Fairy World's Quality Painter".
Timmy "Atelier de Cobalt Ferrero". He... works in the basement?
The six go down to the Quest Buy basement, where various art supplies are scattered around.
Wanda Mr. Ferrero?
Cobalt Ferrero What?
Janna [kneels down next to Cobalt] Oh, your portraitness.
Cobalt Eh? What do ya want?
Mr. Pants Our friend Timmy here wants one of your legendary portraits.
Cobalt [flies up to Timmy] Is that right, Timmy? [pokes Timmy's face]
Timmy Yeah. I'm starting to think this is a bad idea.
As Timmy walks away, he bumps into a portrait of Rich Pigeon.
Timmy Oh! Rich Pigeon. Sorry, didn't see you there.
Janna Uh, Timmy, that's a portrait.
Timmy What?!
Cobalt That piece? Not even finished yet.
Timmy Wow! He's so real, I can almost smell him!
Cobalt That's just the perch he posed on.
A nearby bird perch is covered in bird poop.
Janna That's "fowl"! Get it? 'Cause he's a bird.
Timmy It's the perfect gift! A portrait that realistic, it's like I'll be there with my family even when I'm not!
Cobalt I know, I know. I'm very talented. But we got a lotta work to do before the painting begins. I have to study you closely. I have to live with you, breathe with you, eat a lock of your hair. The process takes weeks, maybe months.
Timmy Can't you do something faster?
Cobalt No! I never compromise my work.
Timmy [holding $650] 650 cash.
Cobalt Sold.
Cobalt gives Marco an exam booklet and Scantron sheet.
Cobalt You need one of these things.
Timmy A Scantron?
Cobalt [gives Timmy a pencil] And one of these.
Timmy What? I don't have time for a pop quiz!
Cobalt It's an "Essence Test", wise guy. The abridged version of me studying you for months.
Timmy "What kind of socks do you prefer with loafers? A: Tube socks. B: Ankle socks." How is this supposed to help with a portrait?! [sighs] Whatever. I don't have time for this. [humming]
Timmy quickly fills in bubbles on the Scantron sheet before finishing on question 200.
Timmy Uh, Mr. Ferrero? All done.
Cobalt [takes Scantron sheet] Let's make some art!
Timmy sees his reflection in Cobalt's good tooth.
Timmy Let's.
Cobalt paints Timmy's portrait on a canvas. The passage of time is indicated by a clock.
Timmy [sitting on bird perch] C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! Time's running out, and my legs are asleep!
Cobalt snaps his fingers. His assistant elves give him Timmy's Scantron sheet and a bowl. Cobalt squeezes black liquid out of the sheet and into the bowl. He dips his hands in the liquid and flings it at the painting before wiping his hands on one of the elves' hat.
Cobalt Mwah! She's done.
Scene cuts back to the Turner House. The Morrisons leave the Turners' party.
Mrs. Morrison Bye! Great party! And, uh, congratulations!
Timmy, Chloe, Janna, Mr. Pants, Cosmo and Wanda return.
Mrs. Turner Timmy, what took you so long? You missed the whole party.
Mr. Turner Yes, and where is the glacier ice?
Timmy What? Oh! Uh, they were all sold out... of it.
Mr. Turner Oh. I see. [pours his juice on the ground]
Timmy I know I'm not always here, so I got Timmy Jr. this gift to make up for it.
Mrs. Turner Aw, how sweet.
Timmy shows his parents the painting.
Mrs. Turner Aw, how nice. You got us a... [shocked] painting!
Mr. Turner Ohhh!
Mrs. Turner You paid money for that?
Timmy What are you talking about? Whoa-ho-ho!
Timmy looks at the painting. It looks overly detailed and absolutely hideous; Timmy has misaligned eyes, long nose with exaggerated nostrils, large buck teeth, crooked smile, and long chin. He also has long clasped fingers.
Timmy What the heck?! This doesn't look like me at all!
Mr. Turner It's like he got the proportions all wrong and then tried to fix it by adding more detail and more detail and more detail. But, Timmy, it didn't fix it.
Mrs. Turner Well, it was a nice thought.
Timmy looks disappointed, ashamed and sad. Scene cuts to house interior, where the godfamily and the Turners have dinner together. Timmy has the same expression as in the previous scene.
Mr. Turner And then just as I take off Timmy's diaper, he pee-pees all over my shirt!
Chloe, Janna, Mr. Pants, Brandon, Cosmo and Wanda [laughing]
Mrs. Turner [laughing] I remember. C'mon, Timmy, I thought you loved it when Dad told stories about when you were a baby.
Timmy No, I'm fine.
Chloe Uh, Timmy, what's that on your face?
Timmy Huh? Oh. [wipes his face] Did I get it?
When Timmy moves his napkin away from his face, he suddenly has a longer chin.
Chloe [stunned] Um... Yeah, no, no, not exactly.
Mrs. Turner Timmy?
Timmy blinks, and his eyes fall slightly out of alignment. He also has exaggerated eyebrows, eyelashes, and nostrils.
Wanda Your face! It looks like... [gasps] It looks like the painting!
Timmy Oh! Ha-ha, guys. I get it. The portrait stinks. But, you know, I was just trying to do something that Timmy Jr. could remember me by when I was— [muffled]
Timmy's mouth suddenly freezes into a crooked smile.
Timmy [mumbling] [garbled] What's happening? What is happening?!
Wanda Oh, I knew it was a bad idea to rush a magical portrait!
Timmy [mumbling angrily]
Mrs. Turner Timmy, don't use that kind of language at the table.
Timmy [mumbles sadly]
Mr. Turner Oh! I have an idea. Maybe if we destroy the painting, it'll break the spell.
Scene cuts to outside the house.
Cosmo and Wanda (o.s.) Laser Beam Blast!
Cosmo and Wanda's magic reduces the painting to ashes.
Cosmo Anything?
Timmy's face remains unchanged.
Mr. Turner I think it's getting worse?
Timmy [mumbled] It's getting worse?!
Mr. Pants Well, guess there's only one thing left to do.
Scene cuts back to the Quest Buy basement. Cobalt Ferrero is painting a minotaur woman's portrait.
Cobalt Very nice. Now if you could just turn your cheek a little to the—
Wanda Cobalt! Look what your painting did to Timmy's face.
Timmy [distressed mumbling]
Wanda It's getting worse!
Cobalt The painting is just a reflection of his answers in the Essence Test, and if there's any discrepancies, the painting will adjust you to match the portrait. No extra charge!
Janna Okay, there's gotta be some way to fix this. We tried destroying the painting, but that didn't work.
Cobalt True art can never be destroyed. [chuckles] You'll need to take the Essence Test again, and you must answer the questions truthfully, or he will remain this way permanently.
Cobalt gives Timmy another exam booklet, Scantron sheet, and pencil. Before Timmy can grab the pencil, his fingers straighten and become rigid.
Timmy [mumbling]
Timmy picks up the pencil with his frozen hands, but he quickly drops it. He slowly picks it up again...
Timmy [muffled] I got it! What the...?!
...but then his arms fold into a rigid clasped pose.
Timmy [whimpering]
Mr. Turner Oh, no! He can't take the test like that!
Mrs. Turner C'mon! Don't worry, we'll take the test for you.
Mr. Turner After all who understands the mind of a ten-year-old boy better than his own parents?
Timmy Mrmpf!
Timmy suddenly turns flat like a canvas.
Mr. and Mrs. Turner [screaming]
Cobalt [eating popcorn] He's becoming the canvas. You'd better hurry.
Mrs. Turner picks up Timmy, moves him to the side of the table, and sits in his chair.
Mrs. Turner Okay! Question one: "Which do you prefer to ride? A: A bicycle. B: A unicycle. C: A tricycle. D: A dragoncyc—" Uh, what's a dragoncycle?
Mr. Turner I don't know.
Mrs. Turner Remember when Timmy was little and had that red tricycle?
Mr. Turner He loved that!
Mrs. Turner That's it! The answer is C: tricycle!
Timmy, Chloe, Janna, Mr. Pants, Brandon, Cosmo and Wanda looking worriedly at each other. Wanda jumps onto the table in front of Mrs. Turner.
Wanda Mrs. Turner, we don't have much time! We have to be really careful these answers are perfect!
Mrs. Turner That's what we're doing! [straining] If you could get off the... sheet!
Mrs. Turner pulls the Scantron sheet out from under Wanda and accidentally smacks Mr. Turner in the face with it.
Mr. Turner Ah!
Mrs. Turner Sorry, dear.
Mr. Turner I'm not bleeding. It's okay.
Wanda That's great! [wrestling Scantron out of Mrs. Turner's hands] But I don't know if your answers really capture the Timmy of today.
Mr. Turner Of course not. The Timmy of today is very frightening.
Timmy [whimpering]
Wanda No, I just mean he... he's grown up.
Mrs. Turner Sure, but I know my own son.
Wanda Sorry, but the answer is D: dragoncycle.
Mrs. Turner Timmy?
Timmy [muffled, sadly] Um... Uh-huh.
Mrs. Turner Oh. I was wrong about my own son?
Mr. Turner This is sad.
Mrs. Turner Wanda, get this test done.
Wanda All right, let's do this thing! Okay. "How old are you? A: 0 to 15. B: 16 to 25. C: 26 to 35." [fills in answer C]
Mrs. Turner Um...
Mr. Turner Hmm...
Wanda You two have some catching up to do. Okay, "Have you ever worn a dress? A: Yes." "Do you prefer corn shakes or corn malts?" Malts. Next question.
Wanda fills in answers up to question 200.
Wanda And... done!
Wanda hurriedly gives the Scantron sheet to Cobalt, who squeezes black liquid out of it and pours it onto the portrait's ashes. Timmy magically turns back to normal.
Timmy Huh?
Chloe [hugs Timmy] Oh, Timmy, you're beautiful again!
Timmy Thanks, guys. [to his parents] Mom? Dad?
Timmy and his parents have a group hug.
Mrs. Turner I guess we have some catching up to do.
Mr. Turner My beautiful son is all grown up!
Timmy I should have visited more. I don't want Timmy Jr. growing up without knowing who I am.
Mrs. Turner Visit anytime, sweetie. I mean, those scissors work both ways, right? Snip, snip?
Cobalt This is a beautiful family moment. And I just happen to be runnin' a special on family portraits.
Timmy Uh... that'll be a no!
(end song)