Fairly Odd Parents Fanon Wiki
Episode begins at the Monster Temple; a banner on the exterior reads "WE'RE NORMAL".
Timmy Turner (o.s.) Aah!
Timmy runs through the temple in his tuxedo as monsters clean and decorate.
Timmy They're going to be here any second, people! [tastes fruit punch] Delicious. [pokes roses] Beautiful.
Archibald covers Manfred's body, still petrified from "Yada Yada Berries", with a large cloth.
Timmy Oh, yeah, you cover up those dark secrets. Okay, now all we need is...
Timmy goes to Eclipsa's room.
Timmy Eclipsa!
The room is empty.
Timmy Eclipsa?
In the temple nursery, Janna feeds baby food to Meteora.
Meteora Fairywinkle [crying]
Janna Ordonia Here you go. Good baby.
Meteora smacks the spoon into Janna's face and bites her hand.
Janna [screams]
Timmy [enters room] Eclipsa?
Janna Timmy, help me!
Timmy I'm busy! [slams door, goes up to Archibald] Archibald, have you seen Eclipsa?
Archibald Not since yesterday, Mister Turner.
Timmy Ugh! This is the first royal visit since Eclipsa became queen. We cannot afford to mess this up.
A clock chimes loudly.
Timmy [gasps] Oh, no! They're here!
Timmy walks up to the temple doors and straightens his hair. Two monsters opens the doors, and the Spiderbite family appears.
Timmy Hello, King, Queen, and Princess Spiderbite. Welcome to the Monster Temp— I mean, New Fairywinkle Castle.
Queen Spiderbite Where's Queen Eclipsa? Shouldn't she be the one to greet us?
Timmy [laughs] Oh, my sincerest apologies on behalf of the queen. She'll be here as soon as she can.
Queen Spiderbite Well, I'm not gonna say that I'm surprised that she's ignoring royal traditions.
Timmy King Spiderbite! You've trimmed your beard, didn't you? It looks great.
King Spiderbite Thanks. It's full of spiders. [spiders crawl out of King's face]
Timmy And Queen Spiderbite. Oh, beautiful gown. It really brings out... your glowing complexion. [sweats] Hey, Penelope. Cool phone. Where'd you get it?
Penelope Spiderbite Sorry, did you say something?
Timmy [stares blankly]
Archibald appears with a tray of mugs.
Timmy Oh, look at that. The refreshments are here.
Archibald Your beverages, my lords.
King and Queen Spiderbite each take a mug.
Timmy Please enjoy. Hey, Archibald, can I talk to you for a second? [pulls Archibald aside] So, did you find her?
Archibald Not as yet. I've been searching all over the castle.
Timmy [groans] Search harder!
King Spiderbite Well, I never...
Queen Spiderbite [scoffs] The audacity...
Timmy [panting] Your Majesties! I, uh, I regret to inform you that the queen is still preoccupied. But she hopes you will all enjoy the awe-inspiring beauty that awaits.
Timmy and the Spiderbites enter the Gallery of Monster Art.
Timmy This is one of Eclipsa's favorite parts of the castle – the Gallery of Monster Art. Queen Spiderbite, someone told me you were a fan of art history. Well, you are going to love... this thing. [points to sculpture of giant eye] ...No? [laughs nervously] Okay. Oh! Well, maybe you're more into abstract things. [points at large abstract portrait]
Queen Spiderbite [whispers in King Spiderbite's ear]
Timmy Heh. Not a fan. Okay. Hey, Penelope, how are you liking the tour?
Penelope [texting on her compact mirror] Totally.
Timmy [growls]
Queen Spiderbite [clears throat] Will Eclipsa ever be joining us?
Timmy ...Who wants to see a little entertainment? We've prepared something that will for sure blow you away.
Cut to temple stage room. Four monster dancers are lined up on a stage.
Timmy This is a traditional monster dance, beautifully performed by our very own monster dance troupe.
The monsters start dancing to Middle Eastern-like music. A cat monster appears in the middle and dances with a long piece of rope with a weighted bag on one end. The music increases in tempo. The cat sets the bag on fire with its fire breath and swings it around and around. Timmy looks impressed. He looks at the Spiderbites and gasps. King and Queen Spiderbite look horrified. The dancing and music come to an end.
Timmy [claps] Whoo-hoo! Oh, amazing! Beautiful! Encore! Encore! Whoo! Whoo-hoo...! Whoo... Whoo.
The monster dancers look confused and concerned.
Timmy [sighs] Okay. You know, they actually worked really hard on that routine.
Queen Spiderbite Yes, it looks like they spent weeks practicing. But that doesn't mean that I have to like it.
Timmy Okay, you guys have had issues with everything you've seen today. [points at Penelope] And you won't stop texting.
Penelope Huh?
Timmy I know what this is about. You guys have a problem with monsters. And no matter what they do, it's never going to be enough for you.
Queen Spiderbite Um—
Timmy Monsters are not the problem here. Maybe you need to adjust your nasty attitudes.
Slime Monster [clears throat]
Slime Monster appears in the doorway.
Slime Is this a bad time?
Penelope Hey, you made it!
Penelope runs up to Slime, and they kiss.
Timmy Uhhh, what?
Penelope Sorry, Timmy. I was texting my boyfriend this whole time so that he could meet up with us.
Slime It took forever because I kept losing my phone.
Timmy Slime... is your boyfriend?
King Spiderbite Slime! Good to see you again!
Queen Spiderbite How are you, dear?
King Spiderbite Give me some of that slime, Slime!
Slime Sure thing, King S!
Timmy But... you guys hate monsters!
Queen Spiderbite We have no problem with monsters. Our problem is with Globgor.
King Spiderbite [rubs slime on his face] Crusher of Skulls. Plucker of Limbs.
Queen Spiderbite How can you live in this castle and ignore his atrocities?
Timmy What? No-no-no-no. Those are just rumors.
Queen Spiderbite So why is all the tableware covered in Globgorean horror parties?
Timmy No, this is just cute monster decoration— [turns mug over to other side] Oh.
Queen Spiderbite [next to abstract portrait] Then there's this artwork you showed us. Did you even read the label? [points at label reading "THE BLOOD OF GLOBGOR'S ENEMIES"]
Timmy Oh, that's what those are for.
Queen Spiderbite [next to eyeball sculpture] And "The Cold Unfeeling Stare of Globgor", subtitled, "He Will Eat You"? Or "Globgor's Army Burns Spiderbite Village to the Ground"?
Timmy Boy, that got real specific.
Queen Spiderbite And that dance you showed us is a tribute to Globgor eating my great great granduncle Shastacan!
King Spiderbite Think you left out a few "greats".
Timmy No, no, Globgor's a vegetarian.
King Spiderbite We only agreed to come today because Penelope insisted we give you a chance. But clearly nothing has changed.
Timmy But... Eclipsa said...
Queen Spiderbite That evil witch doesn't care about anyone but herself.
King Spiderbite We all heard what happened between her and Rhombulus.
Timmy But that—
Queen Spiderbite (o.s.) How do you know she won't try a stunt like that again?!
Timmy I—
King Spiderbite (o.s.) How can you trust her?!
Timmy I'm sure there is a perfectly good explanation for all this, and I will go find that out right now. [runs into next room, groans] Eclipsa, where are you?! I need you! Oh. Duh. [quickly] I summon the All-Seeing Eye to tear a hole into the sky. Reveal to me that which is hidden. Unveil to me what is forbidden.
Timmy summons the All-Seeing Eye and sees Eclipsa on the temple roof with Glossaryck.
Timmy Gotcha!
Cut to roof of the Monster Temple. Eclipsa examines charred pieces in a sieve.
Eclipsa Glossaryck, what about this one?
Glossaryck [lying in a hammock] No.
Eclipsa Okay. Well, this one, perhaps?
Glossaryck Nah.
Eclipsa You're not even looking.
Timmy [appears inside Slushious] Eclipsa!
Eclipsa Timmy.
Timmy [gets out] What do you think you're doing up here?
Eclipsa Well, I was just—
Timmy I'm sorry, were you gonna say, "I'm avoiding an important meeting with the Spiderbites"?!
Eclipsa Oh, no! That was today?!
Timmy Eclipsa, these alliances are important. All the other kingdoms are terrified of you. The Spiderbites are the only ones who would even visit us, and you just completely ditched them. If you don't come talk to them right now, you'll never convince anyone you're not the Queen of Darkness.
Eclipsa I'm so, so sorry! I lost track of time!
Archibald Your Majesty? The Spiderbites – they're leaving!
Timmy and Eclipsa What?!
The Spiderbites start to leave the temple.
Eclipsa (o.s.) Wait!
Timmy and Eclipsa catch up with the Spiderbites.
Eclipsa Please, just wait one moment. Your Majesties, allow me to express my sincerest apologies. [curtsies] I never should have kept you waiting like that.
King Spiderbite Well, we're not surprised. This castle makes it quite clear that you only care for your Globgor.
Eclipsa I... I understand what this must look like. The paintings, the mural...
Queen Spiderbite The Dance of Death?
Eclipsa The Dance of Death?! [to Timmy] You performed the Dance of Death?!
Timmy I didn't know it was called the Dance of Death! I also didn't know that Globgor ate Shastacan!
Eclipsa The truth is a little more complex than that, but... yes, he did. [to Spiderbites] I'm truly sorry for how terribly I've treated you, your Majesties. And after what happened between me and Rhombulus, it must be especially hard for you to trust me. But I hope you will allow me to make it up to you. In fact, I'd like to show you something.
Cut to Globgor's crystal chamber.
King and Queen Spiderbite [gasp]
Eclipsa I know that seeing this must be terrifying, but let me assure you, Globgor is very much stuck in this crystal. [breaks pickaxe against crystal] For the good of the kingdom, that is where he shall remain.
Queen Spiderbite Oh, my.
King Spiderbite You know, I've never actually seen Rhombulus' magic before. It's really quite impressive.
Queen Spiderbite He really is stuck in there, isn't he?
Eclipsa [looking sad]
King Spiderbite Oh, yes. There's no way he's gonna get out of this thing.
Queen Spiderbite Thank you for showing us this, Eclipsa. I feel a little more at ease now.
King Spiderbite Yes, he's basically dead!
King and Queen Spiderbite [laughing]
Eclipsa Well... I'm glad I could put your fears to rest.
Cut back to temple entrance; Timmy and Eclipsa see the Spiderbites off.
Queen Spiderbite It was lovely meeting you, Eclipsa. And if you ever need allies, you have our support.
King Spiderbite The other kingdoms might not be so easy to convince. Especially the Cosma kingdom. They'll be a nightmare. But we wish you good luck.
Queen Spiderbite Until next time.
The Spiderbites leave.
Eclipsa [waving goodbye] Bye-bye. Thank you for coming. See you next time.
Timmy [waving goodbye] Bye, now. See you next time. Thanks for coming.
Cut back to temple interior; Timmy and Eclipsa clean up/throw out the decorations.
Timmy Well, we narrowly avoided a total disaster. [chuckles] That was a pretty nice save you pulled back there.
Eclipsa Heh. Well, I wouldn't have had to pull anything if I'd been doing my job in the first place.
Timmy Yeah... What were you doing back there?
Eclipsa I was looking for the Book of Spells.
Timmy The Book of Spells? [stammers] Are you still looking for a way to free Globgor?
Eclipsa No, my dear. There's nothing I can do for him now. It's... It's just that I... [sighs] I'm not good enough at magic.
Timmy You've done some of the most powerful magic I've ever seen.
Eclipsa Oh, thank you. But I only know how to do magic that can help myself. I need to learn magic that will help my kingdom. I wish I could be more like you, conjuring new spells that are all your own, even without a wand. I need the book to guide me.
Timmy Well, I hate to break it to you, but that book is super gone. Ludo burned it up ages ago.
Eclipsa But if any of it survived, I might be able to bring it back. Glossaryck has these wonderful little silk bugs that can reconstruct anything from even the tiniest scrap. Don't you, Glossaryck?
Glossaryck They're almost finished repairing my culottes, and they make a mean pair of underwear.
Eclipsa Yes, they're very crafty. Are you sure there's no trace of the book left? Anything you happened to find while wandering around the castle?
Timmy [looks nervous] ...No. No, not that I can think of.
Glossaryck [looks suspicious]
Eclipsa Well, that's a pity. Well, thank you for all your help today, Timmy. [walks away]
Timmy is left alone in the room. Scene cuts to his bedroom; he opens his closet, pushes some piled-up stuff aside, and picks up a small box with some gold liquid dripping down one side. He opens the box and reveals a piece of the Book of Spells covered in gold liquid from the Well of Magic.
(end song)